Soft Brown Shirt

December 29, 2010

In a recent post on attachment parenting I offered the notion of “containment parenting,” as a middle ground, at least in terms of verbiage, between “attachment” (which perhaps, to some, sounds a bit too involved, fussy or enmeshed) and some abstract opposite, such as “non-attachment” (which might sound good if you’re hanging with Thich Nhat Hahn, but not with an infant).  A reader inquired if I could say more about “containment parenting,” and while I could suggest an old post on the colander and the bowl, a poem made its way into my head.  At least it’s easier reading than my typical post :) …

*

I fell in love with a

Brown-eyed girl

Who had a brown shirt

In New York city

 

I saw that same shirt

In a Soho shop,

Soft brown cotton on Sullivan

Street.  It was dear indeed

 

But I wanted to be just

Like her.  Cotton as soft

As her lover’s touch,

And I wore it until

 

It fell apart.  And we were

Left to love without shirts

On our backs until children

Held on tight:  monkey arms,

Piggy rides and broken banks

 

Parenting soft like that brown

Shirt.  Softly holding until

A butterfly drifts up and away

From your sun-warmed hands

Off to explore the garden

And back again for snacks

 

Her eyes sparkled brown except

When enraged.  Then they flashed

Green at the bars of her cage

Until they were mirrors

And the world and the stage

And we all loved each other

so much that we sometimes wept

*

And on that note I close 2010—wishing all those who happen across these words Brightness, Good Cheer, freedom from fear, the realization that true desires are already fulfilled, All Good Wishes and, most of all, Love.

Namaste, BD

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Katrina Kenison December 29, 2010 at 6:26 am

Bruce, Your blog is like a drink of cold, clear water. It always satisfies a thirst I don’t even know I have — until I come here, and read your words, and feel nourished and uplifted. Thank you for the time and thought you put into your posts, for so generously giving away your hard-won wisdom and for opening your heart. You make us all better parents and better people, and you inspire me to be a better writer. Wishing you and yours all good things in 2011.

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privilegeofparenting December 29, 2010 at 7:52 pm

Thanks for such kind words, Katrina. Wishing all the best to you, and all our collective kids for a luminous 2011. P.S. I love your new site.

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Molly@Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce December 29, 2010 at 9:40 am

I love this poem, Bruce, especially the stanza.

Softly holding until

A butterfly drifts up and away

From your sun-warmed hands

Off to explore the garden

And back again for snacks

My parents raised me like that and I think I am doing the same for my kids. My six year old daughter recently started crying thinking about the idea that she would grow up and have to move away from me. I told her that she could stay with me for as long as she’d like to and that my home would always have a place for her in it, just like my parents’ home does. My two kids and I are currently spending two weeks with them now.

Happy New Year! Molly

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privilegeofparenting December 29, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Hi Molly, It’s lovely when you’re keeping a nice cycle going as opposed to breaking a painful cycle. Happy New Year to you as well. Namaste

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Laurie December 29, 2010 at 3:32 pm

Beautiful. The time to count blessings and you dear Bruce are one. A happy New Year to you and your family. xx

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privilegeofparenting December 29, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Right back at’cha, Laurie. All Good Wishes as we savor our blessings all around

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Amber December 29, 2010 at 6:44 pm

Softly caring for children is the best description I have heard. A lovely poem, Bruce, and a Happy New Year’s to you and your family.

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privilegeofparenting December 29, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Hi Amber, Thanks for the kind words and for your lovely spirit in this world where we meet, write and parent in our own sort of virtual together. Happy New Year to you and your family as well.

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BigLittleWolf December 29, 2010 at 9:41 pm

Lovely, lovely, lovely. Just the right touch for entering into a new year, and all the parenting “softness” we can muster, inside and outside of our cages.

A wonderful 2011 to you and your family, Bruce.

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privilegeofparenting December 29, 2010 at 10:33 pm

Thank you so much Wolf, for kind words and intrepid spirit—wishing you and your boys all the best as well for a splendid New Year.

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walkingonmyhands December 29, 2010 at 11:40 pm

What a beautiful poem! Thank you again for the reminder to slow down and enjoy the butterflies (and snacks!).

Happy New Year!

Peace and Namaste,
Pamela

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privilegeofparenting December 30, 2010 at 12:19 am

Hi Pamela, Thanks for the nice words—and All Good Wishes to you for a great New Year as well. Namaste all the way

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Kristen @ Motherese December 30, 2010 at 11:29 am

With all best wishes for love, peace, health, and soft brown shirts in 2011 and with thanks for friendship and fellowship in 2010 to you, Andy, and the boys.

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privilegeofparenting December 30, 2010 at 11:00 pm

The feeling is entirely mutual, Kristen—here’s to a soft and luminescent 2011 all around you, your family and all of us as we learn, love and grow.

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rudrip December 30, 2010 at 10:52 pm

Lovely poem and sentiment Bruce. Here’s to you and yours in 2011. Wishing you peace.

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privilegeofparenting December 30, 2010 at 11:01 pm

All the best for you and yours too, Rudri—and a lovely 2011 for all our collective children. Namaste

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