Here’s to the languid and transporting feelings those old bards of Bard conjured up, but in a good clean context free of chemicals or electric shocks… adult-proofing our beginner minds and doubling down on your wishes of love and good tidings for all us eternal kids. XO

With love and good tidings to you and Jordan and brothers (and sisters) everywhere on the occasion of his important milestone.

xo

Firstly, I am so sorry that you and your son are going through such pain. This illustrates how people who have been hurt, abused, neglected or subject to poor role models often end up hurting other people, who in turn feel like hurting themselves and/or others.

I will stay out of the legal aspects, other than to say that we do seem to have a lot more emphasis on punishment (and there is money made in this) than we do on prevention or treatment. I am aware that there are legal advocates who you might speak with to help you get better and/or more effective help for your son. One option with regard to the school is to demand an IEP (an individualized educational plan, particularly with a social/emotional aspect, which might help him get more, or different, services, paid for by the school). For more on this see: http://privilegeofparenting.com/2009/07/17/what-is-an-iep-and-how-do-i-get-one/

As for the “doctor,” it’s not clear if this is a therapist, and if your son feels a good connection with them. Perhaps as the parent you could discuss this with the doctor, perhaps even working yourself with the doctor to better understand your son and gain more effective tools to help him heal.

Things to consider in this discussion would include wondering if your boy suffers from post traumatic stress disorder, and if so, what might help. Other issues to consider include self-esteem, and how to help raise this, and also depression, as depression in adolescent males tends to present with anger and irritability as much as overt sadness.

As outlined in the post above, it is essential to take your boy’s talk of suicide seriously, and a call to one of the suicide hotlines, as a parent, might help you find additional resources in your area as well as give you some more tools.

Finally, my book, which is also called “Privilege of Parenting,” offers a lot of in-depth information on self-esteem, depression and acting out, so that could be a supplement to your efforts to help your kid (see: http://amzn.to/w76zcY).

Sometimes the sort of pain you and your son are experiencing, if healed and transcended, can be the foundation for true compassion and the path of helping others. I have worked with many kids who have hurt others, and many who have been hurt, but none who aggress have been free of pain and hurt in their own lives. Here’s to hoping we can grow, through authentic caring, beyond bad kids and victim kids into a deeper understanding of the pain so many kids suffer.

All Good Wishes