What’s So Funny ’bout Pain and Degradation?

June 25, 2009

Elvis Costello sang, “What’s so funny ‘bout peace, love and understanding?” To which I think we parents can say, “Not much.”  However, if we ask, “What’s so funny about Pain and Degradation?” we must admit that, painful as it is, that is exactly where we find the heart of humor.  We get hit by a […]

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What “Hansel and Gretel” tells us about our Core Dreads—and how they affect our Parenting

June 24, 2009

In further exploring fears in the service of better parenting, today we take a look at our two core human dreads:  abandonment and engulfment.  Although we reflexively tend to turn away from dark issues, this week is specifically all about our fears because when we are willing to deal with them our kids almost magically brighten. […]

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When Mom and Dad are Frightened, Baby is… Terrified? Or Terrifying?

June 23, 2009

While we generally dislike feeling frightened, if we try to deny our fears they have a way of growing ever larger.  For example, if we are afraid of germs, and we give in to our fear, soon we are afraid of touching others, next we may become afraid of people in general, then of crowded […]

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Where the Wild Things REALLY Are

June 22, 2009

If it serves our children for us parents to be happy, then it also makes sense to explore whatever might be in the way of our happiness.  Let’s start with fear. According to Jung and Joseph Campbell, when one embarks on the archetypal “hero’s journey” the first figure one meets is the Shadow.  Likewise on […]

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A Year of Parenting Mindfully

June 21, 2009

Happy Fathers’ Day! Firstly, a note of recognition and thanks to my friends, colleagues and kindred spirits who, despite wanting all the best for me personally, kind of want to puke when they read my blog (because of the rah-rah/everybody join vibe).  I have never been a joiner, and here I find myself trumpeting the […]

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When Father’s Day Stings

June 20, 2009

With Father’s Day having its one hundred and first anniversary on Sunday, it seems a good opportunity to both honor dads, but also to send extra love to kids who don’t have dads, or who have been wounded by dads (and to the moms who parent them). What is the emotional and psychological effect of […]

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If Mama’s Not Happy, Nobody’s Happy

June 19, 2009

I’ve often had parents call me, wanting to drop a child off for psychotherapy, and over the years I’ve come to believe that if a parent truly wants to help their kid feel better, one of the most powerful things that they can do is to somehow figure out a way to feel better themselves.  […]

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Avatars and Skin Suits

June 18, 2009

As a “parent” (i.e. someone who’s trying to do their best to care for some little piece of our world) do you ever feel like you’ve been cast as the bad parent in some cosmic play? Do you ever feel that strange split in your psyche, where you are playing your part—holding limits in absurd […]

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Parenting’s Scariest Possibility

June 17, 2009

A reader says, “I find the prospect of my daughter driving, and of her being a passenger while other teenagers are driving, very scary. I’ve read that the reasoning part of a person’s brain is not fully developed until the 20’s. Here in Bloomington, several teenagers have died in car and motorcycle accidents during the […]

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Watch your thoughts

June 16, 2009

Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny. (The Upanishads)

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